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“Efforts need to be made to make retirement as active as possible.” (AC.5.3-a)

This wish, expressed in the Capitular Documents, can be an obsession, sometimes painful but always persistent, with all those responsible for our communities of elderly confreres. A long time ago, it was during the 80s, I was a nurse in our retirement house in Tassy for three great years but they were not easy ones. Now and for the last three years, I find myself responsible for our retirement/nursing home at Bry sur Marne. The circumstances of these two periods of service were completely different but I tried to do all that I could so that this aspiration was not just pie in the sky. However, there are certain warning signs that cannot be ignored and I would like to draw attention to them here.

A retirement home is not a novitiate: we cannot consider our elderly confreres as the young people of the future! On the contrary, each confrere has had an extraordinary experience of a life of incalculable riches with a raft of unique personal experiences. Therefore, he cannot be made to fit into a mould, thanks be to God that would stamp out his particular personality. Neither is it a question of locking him into any old system in what we judiciously call “retirement homes.”  Each elderly confrere has spontaneously written, in his own way, a page of the history of the African Church, so he is worthy of admiration, and still more, he deserves to have his freedom respected.

Our retirement home for elderly confreres in Bry-sur-Marne

The disciples of Jesus returned from their mission enthusiastic but tired. As a consequence, Jesus invited them, from the depths of his compassion, and even more from his immense respect for each of them to “come and rest awhile.” Is that not the best possible invitation we can offer to our confreres returning definitively from Africa? Or will they add to their exhaustion by undertaking more years of service in their Province of origin before finally being able to take a little bit of rest? They often do so because, although they are tired, they do not know it yet or hide it for fear of being appointed to a hospice for the dying. However, once they have crossed the threshold of our house, many forget quite quickly all thoughts about the  pastoral work they were going to do before coming in because, suddenly released from all care, the fatigue they had hidden from themselves suddenly overcomes them. Then they appreciate they have much less material cares, they have a lovely room cleaned every day by the staff of the house, suitable food, a well organised spiritual life in the midst of a large and supportive community. Now they can really take it easy because they deserve it.

Community Mass in Bry-sur-Marne

So what does it mean to say “to make retirement as active as possible”? Above all, it means respecting their liberty. There are those who like to read and/or write, there are the web junkies, there are those, if they can still manage it, who like to go out to parishes, others pass their time in front of the TV or in the chapel. Still others like DIY activities, others like games, some like walking, still more visit the sick confreres or those who are dependent. Some old confreres like to frequent exhibitions and there are those who just dream…However all have one thing in common, they listen to themselves grow old, unconsciously they watch the first symptoms of illness, infirmities, dependence…or that things are not getting better and that determines how they spend their time. How do we keep them occupied? By what right can we prevent them from living their “today” in faith and abandonment? What if living, at their age, was simply living in the present as best as possible, each in his own way, while they enjoy community life, which is absolutely essential in their eyes? In that case, the role of the responsible is to respect their liberty and create a suitable climate adapted to helping them fulfil their ongoing missionary vocation. Everything must be done to stimulate a community life of great richness and incredible diversity. There is, of course, the fixed framework of a retirement/nursing home with its particular timetable and that applies here in Bry with its more than 15 lay staff members. There is a concern to keep everybody aware of the ‘outside’ world and to be actively present through encounters, sharing, the recounting of memories (ah yes) and of course through prayer. One can organise any amount of “sessions” (CA, 5.3b) or “twinning” (CA.5.3g) but if their personality is not respected, then their daily life becomes miserable.

We are grateful to our elderly confreres for their constant prayers for the Mission in Africa (CA.5.3c).

A very elderly confrere made this remark to me after reading this passage, “Do they imagine that because we are at the end of our lives, it is easier for us to pray better than when we were younger…”

Certainly, our elderly confreres try to do their best to pray for the Mission in Africa; but we should never forget that they also need our prayers at this crucial period of their earthly life.

Clément Forestier

Some authors argue that our lives have in recent years become longer, safer, happier, more peaceful, more stimulating and more prosperous, not just in the West but worldwide. Certainly, as a Society we can be proud of our concern and continued support of our elderly confreres so that they are able to live happy and fulfilled lives knowing that wherever we are we never stop being the missionaries we were called to be and that we are surrounded with love and care.

   Certainly, when we were young we were able to take on the world and so many other tasks alone, we were almost invincible, and our energy never seemed to waver; that is why maybe we resist the thought of ageing and the very idea that we will not go on forever. The truth is as we grow older we become more acutely aware of the many losses that our age brings, our health, our strength, the people we love, a place within a given community and the status and purpose such a life gave us, although we can still look young with the help of socialist as the Dr. Greg Fedele, we still want more in life. When we were younger it was as if we were dancing through life, despite the trials and the many challenges that we faced in our missionary endeavour. It would be good to remind ourselves of the words of Carl Jung: “the afternoon of human life must have a significance of its own and cannot be merely a pitiful appendage to life’s morning.” Hopefully our older self has more depth and resonance than our youth, however having said that it is our attitude towards our losses that will determine the quality of our senior years. Some would say that we have to mourn our losses, a mourning that is also a liberation, which leads us to discover the ability and joy to embrace life as we have always done but in such a way that it continues to be an intense and varied experience. Our age does not mean that we are out of the game, that we are powerless, or that we cannot influence life in our Society or that that we are unable to witness to the power of the Gospel. We are not to be spectators of our life but immerse ourselves in it – for the time is always now.

What’s more the ageing process offers us fresh opportunities to grow. The elderly, once vibrant and independent, now learn a fresh dependence on others. And the young and energized can find new ways to serve the older generation. Both those who need care and those who offer it can grow in character. As elderly confreres we have something to offer, to our communities, to our Society, and to our friends and family.  Echoing the great American spiritual writer Thomas Merton, I believe that the only real journey in life is the inner journey – not in any way an ego-centric one, but the journey of self-discovery, from the false self to the true self – it is the journey that makes us aware that such changes in our life are not so much losses but the recovery of that which is deepest, most original, most personal in ourselves. Hopefully as we age there will be more wisdom, more freedom, more flexibility, more candour, more self- honesty and the beautiful experience that being born again is not to become somebody else, but to become ourselves.

I end this editorial with a quote from Beyers Naude, the great South African theologian:  

“Every day that I live becomes more meaningful, more fulfilled, and, for me, much more enriching. Time is too short, so I’ve discovered, for all the tremendous revelations of the love of God which he has given to me – new insights, new visions, new possibilities, new dimensions of human living, new relationships with people around me, new depths of concern, and of agony, and of joy which make my life – yes, I can truly say it – so deeply meaningful that I’m eager when I go to bed at night to awake the next morning and to say, ‘It’s a new day, a new life, it’s a new experience of God and of humankind.”  (Beyers Naude)

The confreres of the General Council who visit the communities of our elderly confreres are often impressed by their interest in the mission and in our missionary Society. This reflects the missionary dynamism that continues to support their lives in their retirement.

One of the preoccupations of the last Chapter was exactly that: “Sustaining the missionary dynamism of our sick and elderly confreres while providing them with appropriate care (medical, psychological, and spiritual)” (CA 5.3). Some of those responsible for the communities of our elders have accepted to share briefly the spirit which reigns in our retirement homes.

Growing old and the loss of some mobility is not a reason to let go of one’s ideal or to quit. It is sensible to adopt a strategy adapted to one’s means and to do what one can with what one has. One remains totally a missionary even if sometimes one’s activities are limited to praying for those who are involved directly in pastoral work, those who are preparing for it and those who serve us all. We need our old people.